If you want to be scarred for life, read on. Imagine this if you dare:
- Leaving the house without the following: (a) driver’s license, (b) shoes, (c) eyebrow pencil, (d) enough gas in the tank, or (e) all the above.
- Waking up happy it’s Friday but it’s only Tuesday.
- Relieved that it’s payday but nope, that’s next week.
- Neglecting to clean out the coffeemaker from three weeks ago and discovering a scene not unlike a science project.
- Having to make three Target runs in a week.
- Losing a contact lens in your eye socket while driving.
- Having your only ponytail holder snap in the middle of the work day.
- Chucking your cell phone and building access badge in the mail chute instead of the mail.
- Forgetting to take your birth control pills for three days, thereby throwing your figure, complexion, mood and digestive system into the pits of hormonal hell.
- Falling into the toilet at Gold Coast Bar.
- Getting into an elevator when you’re late for work to have someone jam their arm between the closing doors and let 10 people on who — naturally — select a minimum of five stops between the lobby and your floor.
- When the server at Sunday brunch takes 15 minutes to get your check, and another 15 minutes to process your payment, when all you want to do is go home and nap off a hangover.
I think that’s it. Happy Halloween, everyone!